Thursday, June 01, 2006

Gay Marriage

I don't want "gay marriage", I just want regular, ordinary marriage. The kind where you say "I do," and get a license. The kind where two people are recognized legally and spiritually as having made a serious oath to one another.

Explaining to people what's going on can be tricky, but it can also be an opportunity to educate. I want people to see this as a "real" wedding, as a proper union of a loving, committed couple, and to treat it as such, rather than as some weird gay party we are throwing ourselves. Yet, I also want them to understand that our marriage does not confer any legal rights. So, yes, in that sense it's not a "real" marriage, if the definition of marriage includes the civil ceremony and its legal accoutrements.

I need to come up with a couple-sentence "sound bite" that explains that Tara and I are treating this no differently than we would had we been marrying someone of the other sex, but that the government and some segments of society certainly do.

I liked what the African American lesbian judge who officiated my friends Kristin & Jean's wedding said at the end: "With the power that will SOME DAY be vested in me, I pronounce you married!"


Blogger Goeve said...

Wow, it is still very disheartened to know there will be a ceremony and you'll become married but without the civil bennies. It's what we know and realize the moment we come out to ourselves, I suppose. I certainly wish you both all the happiness in your present and future. Love the blog and how you share your love, and experiences, roadblocks, encounters, etc. with everyone. Looking forward to reading of your big day!

4:41 AM  
Blogger Dharma said...

I went through this many many moons ago, long before even Vermont had civil unions. I am trying to remember what I said to people. Since I *did* do what was necessary to be legal under jewish law, I was married legally somewhere, somehow in the universe.

Something like just like every other couple who has a wedding - "we had drama, silliness, and romance in the planning and execution of our wedding, our just comes with absolutely none of the legal benefits of "straight" weddings."

Give yourself time, you will have a fairly standard but uniquely Wen/Tara statement on the condition of marriage in this country.

9:28 PM  

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