Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Spousal Negotiation: A Guide to the Holidays

Thanks to Carol for this post.

As my parents will be staying at Tara's for 4 nights over the Christmas holiday, I figured this was, uhm, a needed laugh.

Monday, November 27, 2006


We're back from our cruise and will post some about it here...

but until then, enjoy this inspirational story:

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation.

I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for awhile and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way."
Author unknown

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Mark Morford on Gay Marriage

Mark Morford, the outspoken, humourous SF Chronical columnist takes on Gay Marriage.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

South Africa!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Be the one you want

Excerpts from an article on relationships:

What do individuals think that being in a relationship is going to provide for them? From the work that I have done with groups and in one-to-one sessions, men and women think that to be in relationship will complete the jigsaw puzzle, the missing part of their life, it will make them happy and complete somehow. Yet the ever increasing divorce rate is testament to the unmet expectations and inability to work things out.

Some expect a relationship to cure their deep feeling of loneliness

Some feel that it is their partners’ responsibility to make them happy

Some expect their needs to be met in a relationship (as they understand them)

Others think it’ll make them feel loved and acceptable. The thinking usually goes something like ‘if s/he wants to be with me, then I must be alright’

Others think ‘once I’m in a relationship everything else in my life will be sorted’. As if being in a relationship is like a magic wand that has a magical effect on all areas of their life. All my problems will be solved.

Some go into a relationship in order to make it a very different experience from the one that they grew up in. A new, improved, better functioning model.

Many have a picture in their head of how their partner should love them, behave, cook, keep house, raise the children, entertain and provide for them.

Others expect the relationship to keep them financially. To have a nice, big house with all mod cons, the latest car, exotic holidays and an exciting social life.

Becoming the sort of person you want to be with. Like attracts like. If you are very emotionally demanding, chances are you will attract a partner who has the same needs as you. So you end up with a situation in which you want your needs met and your partner can’t meet them because they have exactly the same need and they’re expecting you to meet theirs. It can become a no win situation unless there is very good communication. When you think about the sort of person you would like to spend the rest of your life with, are you like that person? If your answer is no, then you have the odds stacked against you.

I'm like everyone else in that I show up on the doorstoop of my relationships with my set of oversized baggage. However, once there, before I cross the threshold, I let myself be curious and a bit awestruck, to be wonder-ful, as in "full of wonder."

I try to approach my relationships as a grand adventure--as my own novella, play or (probably independent, foreign) film whose ending I can't--and probably shouldn't--know in advance. One that involves a cast of zany and lovable characters (and, yes, the occasional antagonist). This constant curiousity and wonder--about my reactions, about my partner's understanding of the situation, about what we can do to grow closer rather than apart--makes all the difference.

Relationships can be a great vehicle for healing, and for change, and for expanding into love. I also know that I'm not perfect, and any partner I might have? Not perfect. That would make for a mind-numbing film, and me, I'm counting on some great subtitles and a mushy ending.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Carrot for Arizona, Stick for 7 Other States

Same-sex marriage election results.

I think it's odd that people have to go vote about whether or not I can be legally married. Then again, not so long ago there were similar issues with interracial marriate (minus all the ballot initiatives).

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Food for thought...

Love should be unconditional. We often put conditions in front of love, such as desiring someone who doesn't talk too much or who is more social. It's wrong to call this love. Love doesn't need any conditions. We might not realize it but it's these conditions that are responsible for our failures and pains in love. Always remember, if others love you or if you love others, love them as they are. If you try to change people in order to love them, then it's not love. It becomes a deal. Love is very bad at doing business. It knows no dealings.

This is from an article you can read here. (This is the best paragraph, imnso, which is why I am posting it here.)